i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
