I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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