it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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