if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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