she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
