i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
