ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
