I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
