My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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