yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
