i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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