Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
