the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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