I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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