i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
