somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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