if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
