i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
