Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
