You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
