I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
