He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
