Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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