i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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