i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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