You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
