I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
