so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My penis needs a shock collar
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dicks are not precious.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
