i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
