So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
