well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
