don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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