You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
