Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
