New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
