to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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