i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
