I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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