you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
