ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
