how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
