i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i came on her dog
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
