Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
