Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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