my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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