Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
