I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
