one might say we're banned from that church
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
