There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
