i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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