The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
