so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
