one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My vagina is officially offended.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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