white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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