i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
