Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
